Thursday, August 16, 2012

My Life's Little Miracle

I found this blog post i made after i gave bith to my son last September 2009! This blog post is a blast from the past post for me! i Hope you enjoy reading it guys!

" my life's little miracle"

When i first found out that i was pregnant i was already in my 3rd month and the last month for the first trimester. That was when my boyfriend (now my husband) and i realized that we need to do the all-time-pregnancy-kit-test. We tried it when our housemates were already asleep and we silently went to the comfort room to do the test. When it was time to use the kit i was 80 percent sure that i was pregnant but i needed the kit for a 99 percent confirmation (1 % was for me going to the ob-gyne) ok, when i did the test a part of me wished i wasnt pregnant but when the pregnancy kit gave me 2 straight lines i couldnt explaine me feelings. My first reaction was that i smiled and deep down inside me made me feel the luckiest girl alive.. "IM GONNA BE A MOM" it didnt occured to me to be sad or what. now i know what to explain the feeling that i felt during that time. i was overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that i could not speak a single word or even shed a single tear of joy or a tear of anxiety (if there is such a thing as that). Well for a 22 year old girl who's still trying to finish some cases as a nursing student, i couldnt help it but be afraid or should i say that i was quite shockedby the news that i just told my then boyfriend " what will we do" and i've been repeating it for like a million times to him with me clutching the pregnancy kit so hard in my palms that i want it to sink in so that i could accpet it and that i would seem true for me. My boyfriend just hugged me so tight and just said " don't worry, i wont leave you. we will push throught with the pregnancy. i'll do whatever i can to make this easy for you. we'll go home and i'll face your parents that even if your dad would punch me stright in the face i would accept it. so i guess i just have to exercise my face for your dad." And that made me feel secure, knowing that my boyfriend was responsible enough to accept the things that just strucked us like lightning. so we went to sleep, he cradled me in his arms wich made me feel the more secure and happy. i wished that this was just a dream that when i wake up all of this would just dissapear like a bubble bursting in the air.

When i woke up the next morning, i saw the pregnancy kit with the positive sign on it, it was the first time that i broke down and cried my heart out. i was crying while touching my tummy, saying to myself " this is so true, what will i do? what am i going to tell my parents, how will they react?" then it all started. i went to an ob-gyne that day with my husband and we first heard my son's heart beat.

when we first heard it i cried. it was not because i am sad but because it was the MOST WONDERFUL SOUND i have ever heard in my life. And it was confirmed that i was 3 months pregnant.

It was not until i was on my fifth month when my parents knew that i was pregnant. my mom had hints already but was just waiting for my confirmation. she started to tell me that im getting a lot bigger than i used to and my boobs are getting big, knowing that i once was an A cap(hehehe). when we told my mom she went crying all over the car. (she wanted us to tell her inside the car because she knew what was comming already). She was telling me thing like " how could you not used any condoms?! why did you ever think of doing it without being safe?!!" well, you could just imagine other things she was asking us. but to cut it all, the next morning my mom talked to me, she was just worried because she thought i was not taking good care of the baby and that if i was doing pre natal check ups and drinking enough vitamins and milk for me and my baby. i know the news shocked them and made them think that they were a failure on me. but i dont think that they ever made a mistake. it was the decisions i made that made this into such a dillema for our family during that time. when my dad knew about it, he just kept quiet and accepted it, because he said" what else can we do?"

my pregnancy went very well because my family was very supportive of me. everyone was so thrilled to see the baby already. when i was nearing my due date everyone wanted me to give birth on my dad's birthday on the 4th of september. i was already very big and very pregnant on my 8th month. we tried walking along the malls for some exercise and swimming also helps. a week before my EDC i went for my weekly check up with my ob-gyne when she did the leopold maneuver she said that my baby was still floating but in the proper position for giving birth already. When i had my ultrasound the following day my baby had turned 360 degrees that he was on his butt. my doctor told me of a possible c-section but we were still positive that the baby would turn becuase we still have one week left. i did all hat i could do to make him move. monday came August 31,2009 i had my last ultrasound. i was excited to know that my baby had turned to his proper position getting ready for labor. but it turned out that he didnt moved at all. i was crying all over my doctors clinic because i didnt want to have the c- section. but we have no choice. I AM HAVING THE C-SECTION. the doctor gave me a choice either to go into labor and wait if the baby could still move or schedule a c-section. but we could not wait any longer because we wanted it to be scheduled on my dad's birthday but the thing is there is no doctor available in september 4th because they will be leaving. so we scheduled it the next day. tuesday september 1, 2009 i was scheduled for a c-section at 2pm. i was very nervous and yet excited to see my son.

since i was still recovering from the operation i got to see my baby 5 mins after they closed me and after one whole day where i have to learn how to sit down with all the excrutiating pain in my tummy area. i got to go and give you your very first breast fed milk.

and from then on i was felt like i was the happiest person in the world. to have seen a complete miracle being cradled in my arms. the best thing that ever happened in my life was to hear you cry when you were being pulled out from me. and from then on i know that you would always be my life's little miracle!

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